I sit here thinking, Red Bull seated lovingly next to my computer. I’m thinking, or I’ve been thinking, when is it okay to date or befriend or canoodle someone who a close friend has dated, befriended, or canoodled. Really what are the rules? Are there rules? Is it ever truly okay?
It would seem to me that if any of my friends made a move on someone with whom I had a mutual loving relationship within the last few years, they might have to be de-ovarized (made up word, similar to castration). However, is that really fair? Do I own someone once I’ve dated them?
What if all Devin and I did was have a few wild nights back in college. Then Devin runs into best friend Dianne and they quickly become the double D duo, in love, lust, and on their way to becoming life partners. Do I, being Devin’s long lost college canoodler, have any right to get upset?
I personally think that once two people are out of a relationship for a reasonable time they become fair game. If your best bud moves in on your man while you’re together or shortly after “just because” she or he has some egotistic sexual need to fill or some sick reason to cause you pain, then enter de-ovarization/castration. However, if you somehow bring two people together (think coincidental happy hour run-in), who genuinely click, even if you had romantic interest in the past, it’s time to get over it and be happy that they’re happy.
Now consider this situation: Have you ever met those people who enter a bar as your wing woman or man, to see a group of the opposite sex and say something like “The blonde is mine” before you’ve even made it through the door. That same individual will be pissed at YOU when the blonde likes YOU and not them, event though chemistry is impossible to control. How is this okay?
What about the best guy/girl friend scenario? You’re secretly in love with him/her (we’ll call’em A), but content with the friendship for now, until you introduce A to childhood friend B and sparks fly. Should B’s loyalty to you trump their connection?
Personally, I want my friends to be happy. Even if that means putting my silly crush to the side and letting two people, with possible relationship/sex potential explore that on their own (sorry, threesomes aren’t my thing. I don’t like to share my toys). Yet, I’ve seen the very matters discussed above sever, and even abolish, close friendships. Luckily I’m married now, so I can share these musings and questions without the emotional investment – in other words, in my mind, any past fling OR love is all yours… Or is that gross? May be a little gross, but certainly not reason to end a friendship.
As I finish this, I look sadly at my empty Red bull can, but experience a burst of renewed energy. Somewhere there’s a friend of mine or yours who might possibly fall in love or lust (even if against your innermost wishes).
Yet, as usual, I’m still curious about other people think. What are the rules? Is all fair in love?