Sadness & a teeny weeny tiny bit of hope

Today I am 7 weeks 2 days pregnant, but according to my ultrasound the little critter is measuring a week behind, 6 weeks 1 day. The heartbeat, it’s there, but slow. Slower than they’d like. I’m waiting for blood results which should tell us more, while trying to stop crying. I’m amazed at how many tears keep coming, like they’ve been waiting on call all along.

In between sobbing like a 32-year old baby, I’ve been scouring message boards for success stories. Stories where suddenly a fetus catches up, astounding everyone, defying the odds. They’re out there, but they are few and far between. I can picture our little guy struggling to hang on, fighting to survive. That’s what makes this hardest, knowing that at any minute the little critter might die inside me.

With a 2.5% chance of conceiving naturally the fact that I’m pregnant at all is a miracle. I’m praying that another miracle is happening as we speak, that the critter is just having a slow day, that he’ll be okay. I’m willing and wishing him to catch up. Unfortunately, you can wish in one hand and crap in the other and see which one fills up faster.

UPDATE

Just got my blood results. My HCG is 13,000 which is on the low end of normal for 7 weeks. My progesterone has fallen to 27. Heart rate was a struggling 60 bpm. According to my doctor there’s a 20 % chance that this critter will survive, but based on my research the chance is much much lower to nonexistent.  So now we wait. We wait for the end. To be honest I’m really hoping that this all happens naturally and soon. I want to tell the little Critter to stop fighting if he’s struggling, that it’s okay to let go. I’m sure I probably sound like a defeatist, but that’s how I cope. Holding tight to the impossible is just not my thing.

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10 comments

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  1. Kenzie

    I got your link off babycenter. I am in the same exact spot you are. Just today i went with the thought that i was 8 weeks and everythjng was wonderful….. measuring way behind with a low HB has me very discouraged. The tears won’t stop! I truly hope we both have little miracle babies inside of us. Wishing and praying, so badly. Ps I love this blog.

    Kenzie

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    • Steph Mignon

      Hi Kenzie! Even though it’s been a devastating day, it does help to know that someone else is going through the exact same thing. I know you understand exactly how I’m feeling. Keep me posted and I’ll do the same with you!

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      • Kenzie

        Steph, when do you go back for a second look? I go next Monday, 1 week from now. I think our little ones are just moving slowly. I hope. Praying you get your miracle!

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  2. lamentingthelentil

    Oh, Steph. I’m so sorry to hear of these frightening signs. I’m so sorry that you have to go through this. It’s not over yet. But I understand your fear. I’m sending all sorts of good vibes to you two and to the little guy. xoxo, friend.

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    • Steph Mignon

      Thanks Daryl! Your posts have been so inspiring. What I’ve learned from this and you and all the other ladies struggling with infertility and loss is that only we can decide when it’s time to give up trying. I’m far from that point and am trying to view this as just another really annoying obstacle on the road a healthy baby. It’s hard though. Really f’ing hard.

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  3. tinymarielovesyou

    Praying for you! Sending lots of baby dust your way. Stay positive and know that everything happens for a reason, even if you can’t explain it now, you will eventually. Keep us all updated and wishing you the best Steph! XOXO

    Like

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