Last night, I noticed some brownish spotting. I had innocently excused myself for the restroom while enjoying happy hour appetizers in beautiful Marina Del Rey. I returned to the table, sick to my stomach, convinced that the end was near. Sure there wasn’t a lot of brown stuff, but it was enough to make me freak the f out.
We skipped our dog walk around the marina (poor dogs waited in the car for nothing) and headed home where I mopped for the rest of the evening. I need to ban myself from the baby center message boards.
Supposedly I am about 5 weeks 3 days today (approximately). When I laid back on the ultrasound table this morning I expected to see the flicker of a heartbeat if there was any hope (I saw one at 5 weeks 4 days last time – though we all know how that turned out). Of course there was nothing. Just a “healthy yolk sac” according to my doctor. She wasn’t concerned in the slightest and said I was on track for a healthy pregnancy. If we don’t see a heartbeat by August 17, however, then we’ll worry, she said with a confident smile. Easy for her to say. I’m also waiting for blood work so I’ll update this post when I get it.
I’ve stopped spotting which is good (I did break my doc’s rule and have intercourse day before yesterday – and I got lectured), but I’m so so glad I haven’t gotten my hopes up this time around. Either there will be a beating heart or there won’t. I’m not optimistic, guys. It feels like my period is coming. And I just want nature to run it’s course. I AM grateful that this pregnancy doesn’t appear to be ectopic or a blighted ovum. Better to look on the bright side right?
If I do indeed miscarry again, I’ll take a month off, then we are moving on to IVF with PGD with the quickness. Forget my big plans of taking a longer more luxurious break. Even though I’m healthy by all accounts, with decent AMH and FSH, a great BMI blah blah blah, I have a suspicion that we may have caught yet another bunk egg. How’s that for odds? Two bad seeds in less than 4-months. Somehow I think my endo is linked here. F u endo. F u!
Ladies, please keep your good news coming, ok? Your stories of excellent egg retrievals, new BFPs, twin pregnancies, and successful IVF cycles feed my soul. Without you I’d be one metaphorically emaciated infertile.