Spot on, Spot off

Last night, I noticed some brownish spotting. I had innocently excused myself for the restroom while enjoying happy hour appetizers in beautiful Marina Del Rey. I returned to the table, sick to my stomach, convinced that the end was near.  Sure there wasn’t a lot of brown stuff, but it was enough to make me freak the f out.

We skipped our dog walk around the marina (poor dogs waited in the car for nothing) and headed home where I mopped for the rest of the evening. I need to ban myself from the baby center message boards.

Supposedly I am about 5 weeks 3 days today (approximately). When I laid back on the ultrasound table this morning I expected to see the flicker of a heartbeat if there was any hope (I saw one at 5 weeks 4 days last time – though we all know how that turned out). Of course there was nothing. Just a “healthy yolk sac” according to my doctor. She wasn’t concerned in the slightest and said I was on track for a healthy pregnancy. If we don’t see a heartbeat by August 17, however, then we’ll worry, she said with a confident smile. Easy for her to say.  I’m also waiting for blood work so I’ll update this post when I get it.

I’ve stopped spotting which is good (I did break my doc’s rule and have intercourse day before yesterday – and I got lectured), but I’m so so glad I haven’t gotten my hopes up this time around. Either there will be a beating heart or there won’t. I’m not optimistic, guys. It feels like my period is coming. And I just want nature to run it’s course. I AM grateful that this pregnancy doesn’t appear to be ectopic or a blighted ovum. Better to look on the bright side right?

If I do indeed miscarry again, I’ll take a month off, then we are moving on to IVF with PGD with the quickness. Forget my big plans of taking a longer more luxurious break. Even though I’m healthy by all accounts, with decent AMH and FSH, a great BMI blah blah blah, I have a suspicion that we may have caught yet another bunk egg. How’s that for odds? Two bad seeds in less than 4-months. Somehow I think my endo is linked here. F u endo. F u!

Ladies, please keep your good news coming, ok? Your stories of excellent egg retrievals, new BFPs, twin pregnancies, and successful IVF cycles feed my soul. Without you I’d be one metaphorically emaciated infertile.

Hormone Update:

Hcg: 15,273

estradial: 684

Progestrone: 41

TSH: 1.61
Not bad actually.
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20 comments

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  1. cassiedash

    I still have hope, too! Brownish spotting AND no heartbeat this early are both very common. I understand the need to guard your heart, but just know that the end isn’t here yet. There’s still a good chance that everything is perfectly fine. Hugs to you!

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  2. Daryl

    I had brown spotting and lots of cramps at the 5 week mark. Of course, I freaked out. But since then, everything seems to be fine. I haven’t had an ultrasound yet (and I’m super jealous that you have this early!), but I’m convinced at this point that everything is fine. Until proven otherwise. If your doc says you’re on track, try try try to take those words to heart and enjoy it. Are you still doing an u/s on Friday?

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    • Steph Mignon

      Daryl, I am SOOOOO happy to hear that you too had spotting. I know that sounds like a freakish thing to be happy about, but I am glad to know I’m not alone. I am forgoing Friday’s ultrasound to give this little guy more time to grow. I am on the schedule following Friday at 2 PM! My thoughts, prayers, mantras, and incantations are with you as you prepare for yours. How far along will you be this Friday?

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      • Daryl

        I’ll be six weeks two days. They schedule them after 6 weeks, I think, so we don’t have to agonize over whether or not we should see a heartbeat. Fingers crossed that you get to see your little one beating away next week!

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  3. barrenbetty

    Those blood test numbers look pretty good! I had bad AF cramp when I was about 5 weeks and still do on and off now. I hope the next few days to ultrasound number 2 pass quickly… It does look like it is all going to plan so far, and I reeeally hope it stays that way. Stay strong! (feel free to ignore that last bit since I have been Queen of Freaking Out this week!!) xx

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  4. InLimbo

    I’ve been told that spotting is perfectly normal during pregnancy as long as its not heavy bleeding or clotting so I know this must be nerve wracking, but hopefully it’s nothing. Hang in there!

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  5. lamentingthelentil

    i felt like AF was coming, too, lady. a bit of fatigue, crankiness, period like cramping. it was all there right around 5 weeks 3 days. also, the spotting just lines up too perfectly with the sex. do NOT give up hope yet, friend. your numbers look good. there is a visible yolk sac, which is all the great majority of people are able to see at that point. i take it august 17 is your next appointment? i’ll be thinking of you like crazy until then, friend. and lay off the D! 😉

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    • Steph Mignon

      I think you’re right. I was giving up too soon. THERE IS a chance I’ll see a beating heart next week. And yes, there will be no more of that nonsense until well into the second trimester.

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  6. Infertility Can Suck It

    My doc wouldn’t check me for a heart beat until after 8 weeks, for just that same reason, they don’t want anyone to worry unnecessarily. I also spottd for the entire first trimestermand after 3 consecutive losses, it sent me into a panic every time. He is now napping in his glider 🙂 Sending many many positive thoughts your way!

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  7. Isabelle

    It’s understandable to not be feeling very hopeful given what you’ve gone through. It could be your defense mechanism. Anyhow, I am waiting to hear good news in a week! 🙂

    Like

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