Wiggle Worm

*Pregnancy related post

I’ll start with the most important news. Today’s 9 week ultrasound showed a heart beat of 180 bpm! It also showed something that is looking more and more human! So far, he or she is an active little baby because there was some serious wiggling going on. There are few things as bizarre as watching something move inside you without being able to feel it.

So at this moment I’m in Stage I, as described in Lamenting The Lentil’s latest post. I’m on top of the world. This is really happening.Ā  This might actually work out! I may actually have a half me/half Merp bebe waiting at the end of the rainbow. One that loves to dance!Ā 

We’ll see how long this euphoria lasts. I give myself until Friday before I return to my doubt filled purgatory.

You’d think my daily dances with the porcelain God would be reassuring. I have puked almost every day for the last week, sometimes twice, once three times. The one day I didn’t puke I had diarrhea (fun!). I have been living on ramen noodles and peaches and cream oatmeal packets. But, I just bravely devoured some chocolate pudding from a local deli. We’ll see how it fares, but I’m not hopeful. If I’m not puking, I’m gagging. It’s a rip roaring time over here! But this is what I hoped for. I wanted to be sick. Sayings like, “Be careful what you wish for,” really do exist for a reason. To annoy paranoid pregnant women who can’t hold food down after a symptom-less miscarriage.

Despite my new role as Gagatha McGee, I resolve not to spend so much time on the couch. I’ve got to get back to writing. To living. My dogs are bored out of their minds – they taunt me with expectant stares at squeaky toys and disappointed scowls when potty breaks don’t turn into actual walks. See them, don’t they look like they’re just dying for some action? (If you look closely you can see the legs of a one of a kind Merp creature photo bombing this picture).

Henry and Hercules, from left to right.
Henry and Hercules, from left to right.

It’s hot as hell here in Los Angeles, but I roused myself around noon today to walk these two and to see what all the commotion was about. There were helicopters circling our building and an HOA email chain circulating that an armed gunman was hiding in the parking garage. Awesome. We got a great deal on this brand new condo, and it’s gorgeous inside, a great investment, close to the beach blah blah blah, but unfortunately it’s a mile from the border of not the best part of Inglewood. I won’t bother listing all the crime that’s occurred in the hood since we’ve lived here because it might scare you. Really though I’m sad to say that even when I lived in Beverly Hills adjacent, where my book is set, there was plenty of crime there too (from armed robberies to butt grabbings). That’s life in the big city I guess. Which is why I want to move. To the Valley. Gasp.Ā  The Valley is where dreams go to die according to those who reside on the Westside or ish. Not for me though! I dream of oodles of dogs roaming big backyards and licking the faces of little ones. I dream of less traffic. Of horse properties. Of lemonade stands and happy, safe kids. All is possible in the Valley as far as I’m concerned.

I also recently did something cra to the z. I booked my 12-week nuchal scan and Maternity 21 blood test. On September 23 I will meet with The Center for Fetal Medicine to assess the health of my baby. Provided I make it that far. Booking the appointment felt like a huge affront to fate. Like I was tempting him to come f with me. But that was on Monday and now it’s Wednesday and I just saw a dancing fetus in my uterus! Owww owww oww!

As you can see. I’m moving slowly away from worrying back to where I’m most comfortable: somewhere safely tucked between dreaming and doing. I’ve wallowed in this nausea and fear for long enough.

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26 comments

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  1. lamentingthelentil

    Love this and you. And so so glad you are joining me back in Stage I. Henry and Hercules are adorbs. Also, a little neighborhood crime is good for the soul. Gives ya character. I grew up in a city that, at the time, had the highest rate of violent crime per capita in the US. I thought it gave me street cred. I knew what a grill was at 11 for godsake. Turns out it did not. But it did give me a very strong appreciation for metal detectors.

    Hurray for your wiggly worm!! Hope you start feeling better soon. The ‘peak’ of my barely there nausea occurred right around 8.5 or 9 weeks. Hang in there in Stage I, sisterfriend. I challenge you to make to Sunday.

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  2. cassiedash

    I’m sorry you’re feeling so incredibly sick, but this is all such wonderful news. Yay for a wiggly, dancing little babe in your womb! Just think…in another 10 weeks or so, you’ll actually get to feel all those dance moves! šŸ™‚

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  3. Lauren

    You are so VERY pregnant! Yay! Hope you can keep some food down soon šŸ™‚ I must admit that I’m glad that I’m not the only pregnant mama leaving way too many of her healthy habits behind. Hoping we can fix that in second trimester and believing that we are both going to make it there šŸ™‚

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    • Steph Mignon

      Seriously, knowing your pregnancy sounds very similar to mine! I had similar aversions/cravings right where you are. That’s around the time I stopped working out too. Thank God for these doggies and their walks or I’d be glued to the couch 24/7. Here’s the finishing the 1st trimester gracefully and entering the second with grace and joy! It can’t come soon enough!

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    • Steph Mignon

      For real. A gangster grabbed my butt and pushed me when I was walking back from yoga one day. I chased him with my yoga mat for blocks until a voice in my head said “probably not a good idea to follow him up a dark alley!” He’s in jail now. I identified him via mugshot! Apparently he was grabbing butts all around town.

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  4. barrenbetty

    Bad news about all the sick, but sort of good news too… Hooray! I’m so glad it is all going well so far. Not long now until your 12 week scan and then you can officially chill out at least a little bit x

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  5. beingrobinson

    this is so exciting, dancing baby and crime all in the same post. haha. life is funny. i hope dancing baby keeps dancing!

    my sister lives in valley village and their house is adorable, and it includes safe babies and dogs running around their yard.

    also, your dogs. sheesh…. aren’t they the best? so cute!

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  6. JustMe

    Glad you are experiencing the euphoria stage right now. Also glad you got to see little one wiggling around. So fun! I laughed about you surviving on ramen and oatmeal. That will go away “soonish.” There is light on the other side of that tunnel.

    Also, it’s the same way living in Venice. We live a great house right near the canals and I love it, but we have to deal with helicopters and police sirens (oh and fear!) pretty much on a weekly basis. Sigh. LA.

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  7. gradualchanges

    Yay for your little dancing wiggle worm! It’s amazing to see that stuff isn’t it? In the early days when you were wishing for some symptoms I kept thinking oh girl – you don’t know what you’re asking for. I was terribly super sick with the twins. I’m hoping the next round is better. Hopefully you’ll feel better soon.

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  8. josamarie

    So happy to hear that everything is going well, minus the puke-a-saurus imitation you have been forced to do! I think it’s impossible to be anything but nervous after a triploidy loss, but we cling to what strands of optimism we can, even if that means hugging the toilet for dear life!

    By the way, we have the same couch in a slightly lighter leather!

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