It’s all happening

I have been a writing, studying, house buying, baby growing MACHINE these last few weeks.

Ever since I started studying for the California Bar Exam about 10 days ago, I’ve noticed something amazing happening to my fiction writing. When I sit down to do it,Β in the small window of time I’ve allotted myself between studying, I actually DO it. And at Chapter 18 (7 more to go), I finally really know my characters and where my story is headed. I can see and feel the end, everything rising and falling like a winter storm wave, then tying together in a calm, satisfying way. Finally, it doesn’t seem insurmountable (though editing the first draft sure does!). And while I may not win a Pulitzer Prize for this one, maybe, just maybe, I’ll actually have a readable somewhat entertaining sense of accomplishment, aka a book, when it’s all edited and done.

As for the California Bar Exam – whew. I’ve finished outlining ONE subject and I’m already pooped. No wonder lawyers get paid as much as they do. Law is hard and complicated and awesome. But my brain is alive with knowledge and hope, hope that I can slay the California Bar Exam like the fire breathing bitch dragon she is. Even with pregnancy brain.

All the while, hubby and I have decided to buy a house. A brand new house. In the suburbs. The very distant suburbs where 95% of the people there have kids too, kids that actually attend public schools because they don’t suck. At first we didn’t think we could afford it, but then we discovered that hubby could borrow some of the down payment from his 401k, which is actually pretty amazing. You borrow from yourself and pay yourself back at a 4% interest rate. It’s exciting, but scary. Right now, hubby can work from a home office and I’m unemployed, so the suburb commute into city jobs doesn’t apply to us. But that’s right NOW. Things can change. Not that we’d be totally screwed if they do, being only, on average, 20 miles away (40 Los Angeles miles) from most major employers, but it’s just a huge THING moving from urban to suburban, from liberal to conservative (the community we’re moving to is mostly right leaning, which is what I grew up around until I slowly started to, and remain, leaning left), and from the coast to the valley where the heat creeps up into the 100’s in the summer. BUT I’ve come to believe that in this life it’s rare that every box can be checked. And the things left on the list can, at the least, make that life very interesting.Β  Plus we’ll have a yard for the dogs (you pet loving condo dwellers will understand WHY this is life changing)! And closet space! And a garage!

Our house, just like our baby, under construction!
Our house, just like our baby, under construction!

And, hopefully, we’ll have the most amazing thing of all a few months after we move in. We’ll have our little girl, and here she’ll cry and laugh and pee herself silly. It doesn’t feel entirely real yet, but it’s starting to feel less unreal, if that makes sense.

My anatomy ultrasound is a week from tomorrow and as my belly grows (finally a real bump!) my fear about this pregnancy diminishes just a little each day (ask me how I feel a week from today as I’m laying on the ultrasound table though).Β  Now if I can just wrap my head around baby showers and the momification process…. one fear door closes, and another one opens. Ever heard that saying, “Nothing is constant, but change?” Well some variation of fear also seems to be pretty constant, if you ask me. And it’s wonderfully okay to be this new kind of afraid. Because I realize how lucky I am to be worried about houses and babies and baby showers and everything that goes along with them in the first place.

19 weeks!
19 weeks!
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16 comments

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  1. bloggerkuwait

    You look amazing! And congratulations on the new house, it looks great! What a beautiful new chapter you are beginning, start embracing it and loving it. The worry is a bitch, that I hope will subside even more soon πŸ™‚

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  2. Lauren

    You have the perfect bump! You look tiny everywhere else πŸ™‚ hip hip hooray for a home even if it might not be quite where you imagined. I’m amazed that you are handling so much. I haven’t touched my book in months. There aren’t any creative juices left at the end of the day right now. I can’t wait to read your though!

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  3. cassiedash

    That is a beautiful bump! And I’m so excited for your house-buying! We bought a house when I was pregnant with my oldest daughter and it was so stressful, but worth it in the end. And way to go for the novel-writing. I long to write one of my own, but alas, I just haven’t found the time since becoming a mother. Clearly, I don’t have the same dedication and motivation that you do. Congrats on it all, friend! So happy for you!

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  4. Daryl

    18 chapters! That is super impressive. And congrats on the new house! You’ve got a lot going on right now, but you look like you’re handling it all with grace. And that’s a beautiful bump!

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  5. beingrobinson

    holy crap! you’re studying for the bar right now? bless you. my husband is an attorney and i remember the days of his bar classes and studying… it was sooooo hard. best of luck! sorry, i hope i didn’t just scare you. just meaning to say i realize the huge task you’re going through… while building a house and growing a baby. haha. you’ll do great! πŸ™‚

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  6. anexpatinuk

    It seems like the good things creates momentum for the next big things to manifest. I’m impressed that you have energy for it all. Under construction for sure, really true in your case with baby, house and book to be created! Very exciting times.

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