Inconclusive Sadness

SAM_0589

I’m trying not to cry today, so I’ll keep this short.  My 11-year old Chihuahua mix, my first baby, my first real love, is sick.  He has an avocado sized growth in his abdomen, on or near his prostate.  An X-Ray, ultrasound, and needle aspiration later and they still don’t know for sure what type of cancer he has.  Inconclusive they said.  But still, likely cancer. There are some things we could do, that may extend his life another 6-months, but we just aren’t sure how to proceed.  Right now he’s not in pain.  He seems completely fine, aside from a bit of constipation.  The wet food and stool softener are working wonders for that, however.  But do we do the expensive surgery to find out more, to be told he has transitional cell carcinoma, the most deadly kind of cancer?  Do we do the surgery to be told that he has one of the other types and that 2k of chemo might extend his life or might not?  We don’t know if it’s worth it to put him through that – surgery, recovery, vet visits, hour long rides in the car – just so we have answers.

Last week, before discovering Herc’s tumor, we were struggling with some food issues with Daphne that had me really worried, but she’s better now (thank God!), and the draft in my dashboard will remain just that.  And though I’ve neglected my promise of two posts a week on this blog (I’m still updating at least weekly for now), it’s because I’ve been so busy with other things.  I’ve been researching like a mad woman for Credible Feast while planning an exciting 90-day challenge Merp and I will be embarking on to launch that project.  I’m about to dive into a rather controversial world with Credible Feast, and I’m a bit apprehensive about it, but I believe that what I’ll be writing about – sustenance not supplements – is very important.  I’ve also been working on the end of my book!  FINALLY, I am almost done with draft numero uno. All these things – Daphne, Credible Feast, The Book – are wonderful distractions.  But I can only be distracted for so long before returning to the inevitable: my baby dog is dying.  And it really really really sucks.

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12 comments

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  1. gradualchanges

    Oh Steph, I’m so sorry to hear about your dog. Our pets are family (sometimes closer than people) and losing one is so hard. Maybe you should talk with him and ask him what he thinks you should do. I know that sounds a little woo-woo but animals are smart and I’m sure he’ll find a way to “talk” to you even if it’s in a dream. Whatever you decide will be the right thing. My thoughts are with you.

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    • Steph Mignon

      This is such wonderful advice! Thank you! I plan to do exactly that and I do believe he’ll give me the answer somehow. Right now, in this moment, I’m leaning toward surgery and chemo… hopefully the little guy will tell me what he needs.

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  2. gardengirl29

    Steph, I’m so sorry about Herc. He’s always been your little baby and I know how very much you love him. That’s a really tough decision. Just as you are lucky to have such a wonderful dog, he is lucky to have such a caring mama who gave him a magical life, and I know whatever you choose will be with love and will be the right thing (as the commenter above said).

    Sending you all my love. Words cannot express how sorry I am.

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  3. journeyformybaby

    This is so hard! I’m sorry that your little doggy isn’t doing well anymore. I don’t know if I would put my dog through the testing and surgeries etc… It’s a tough call to make. I hope that you are able to make a decision easily.

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  4. cassiedash

    I’m so so sorry! I know how hard it is to go through the illness of a beloved pet. I hope you’re able to make a decision that gives you the most solace and peace. Thinking of you and your sweet doggie!

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