My dearest baby dog,
A few moments ago, I pushed the back button and accidentally deleted one of the most heartfelt and tear inducing posts I’ve ever written, inspired by you. I deleted what felt like the perfect post to commemorate your life. In it, I thanked you for all of the ways you saved me. I thanked you for how you healed my heart, again and again and again. How you lapped up my tears like it was your job, licking the sadness from my face like it was what you were meant for. Every single time.
I thanked you for how you grounded me through my wild twenties, me a palm tree in a hurricane, you my tether to planet earth with your fresh water and walk needs. I thanked you for how you prepared me to be a wife and a mother, how you taught me what real, unconditional love is all about. I thanked you for so many things. For so many amazing, wild, hilarious, fun, and frustrating memories you brown-eyed, perfect little puppy dog you.
But just like that, in a fervor to find my favorite picture of you as a puppy, that perfect post was gone. And just like that you were gone too. Asleep forever. Ah sleep, your favorite thing.
Talking about the end being near, as we did these last six months of your life, doesn’t make it easier, contrary to popular belief. You’ve left a chiweenie sized hole in my heart that I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to fill.
Little dog. Schnerk. Chiwere. Baby yog. Fink. You were special. And you will always be my first baby. Always. My thighs will never be the same without you to warm them.
What will I do when I put D to bed tonight and don’t hear your little paw scratching at the door? What will I do when the carpets are cleaned and the stains of you are no longer left? What will I do without my little guy curled up next to me, cuddled up in the crook of my arm, wiggling with happiness at my return home? What will Halloween be without you in your hot dog costume?
This may not be the perfect post I had originally written for you, but that’s okay. Because the most important thing of all, is that I was yours and you were mine, the love I’d see in your eyes for me as real as churches, and earth worms, and gold.
Goodbye baby dog. And thank you for everything. You gave me so much more than any accidentally deleted blog post could ever explain.
Your dog mom forever,