Morning Sickness & Failing at Life #MicroblogMonday

womanpukingflowers

Puking, while peeing yourself.

It’s officially happened.

Puking, while peeing yourself, as your 16-month old daughter watches, mimicking your hurling sounds? That also happened.

With a toddler who’s curiosity leads her to the edge of the toilet, trying to touch, yes touch, the undigested pizza thrown forth, we’ve been having a rip roaring good time over here. It’s so much fun hating everything.

The past three weeks have been difficult. Caring for a curious, energetic, mischievous little person, when you feel like you are dying, is no easy feat. I’ve cooked probably one meal in my kitchen in over 14-days – a cheese omelette – because the smell of my kitchen, and the site of the vegetables in it, or the aroma of the homemade salsa Merp insists on making again and again, makes my skin crawl, literally, I get goose bumps every time I gag. As you can imagine not cooking doesn’t really fly when you have a little mouth to feed. A little mouth who no longer does chicken nuggets. A little mouth who hasn’t yet grasped the concept of the “sandwich.” Oh how much easier my life would be if she would eat a peanut butter and freaking jelly sandwich.

Lunch today (for her) was cheese and apple slices and chocolate covered raisins. Not the worst meal in the world, but certainly not one fit to be featured on Credible Feast. Speaking of which, not only am I failing at motherhood, but I’m failing at all of my projects too. It’s like the only energy I have is for growing a human, nursing one, burping out the occasional emotion driven blog post, and laying on the couch. I haven’t so much as broken a sweat since the week I found out I was pregnant. Ah, my delusions of grandeur, that this time, this pregnancy, I’d do it differently! I wouldn’t abandon my fitness routine, no way. Ha! Hilarious. The barre will have to wait so I don’t barf all over it. The book and the blogs too.

What’s getting me through? The best husband ever, obviously, but also binge watching Rectify. God, that show is good. Right up my alley. Dark and emotive and brilliantly written. I cry every episode, it moves me so. Not to mention Aden Young. He is my first and only celebrity crush. I mean, look at him….

AdenYoung

For all the woman out there, those who battled infertility, those who got pregnant naturally, those who weren’t trying at all, and those who, like me, feel guilty about hating how they feel during the first trimester, I understand. I know that just because you hate how you feel doesn’t mean you aren’t ecstatic that you’re pregnant. It’s a gift and a blessing and the most wonderful thing, but it’s also hard.

At 9 weeks pregnant, this little miracle better stay inside me and grow grow grow all the way to 39-weeks, because I’m not sure I can do this again.

Excuse me while I pick up the dog kibble strewn artistically throughout my house before running to get the only thing that sounds remotely palatable: In N Out! I give it a 50/50 chance of staying put.

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18 comments

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  1. hopingonhope

    Oh yeah, nausea and toddler is no fun. ive already told myself i cNnot dothis again. While I pray daily that this baby makes it safe to the world, God forbid if something happened, we wont try again. I cannot handle the nausea. It sucks. Hang in there, it will get better soon, although right now you just wish it never happened.

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      • Steph Mignon

        If I remember correctly, it was 16-months for me last time too. That seems soooooo far away! I hope you are taking naps with your little one. That’s what I’ve been trying to do. Doesn’t seem to help much, but it’s something.

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      • hopingonhope

        I work fulltime mon to friday. Oh by the way the icing on the cake, when toddlers reach 18 months, they prefer to play than nap. Getting my son to nap during weekends is an epic fight with a nap lasting no more than an hour the whole day. He is up by 6:30 am naps for an hour(or two if the stars are shining my way) and then is up all day till 8 pm. And he is constantly running and getting jnto places. Just last weekend he got into the bathroom tub and squeezed the shampoo bottle empty in the tub and all over himself. I could have cried tears of exhaustion by the time I could clean him up and the tub. It was a slippery mess.

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      • Steph Mignon

        How did you possibly manage working full time, being sick, and being a mom? I just happened to not be working these two times I’ve been pregnant, thank GOD. I think I’d have to take a leave of absence if I was working right now. And the shampoo thing? That exact thing happened to us a few days ago. I’d just received new honest company shampoo and D managed to dump the entire thing all over herself and the floor. The nap fighting thing has started to rear it’s ugly head, but not so bad yet. How are you getting him to sleep? Sometimes a car ride is all I can handle then I transfer her to her bed. She really needs to learn to love sleep, but it seems that will never happen.

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      • hopingonhope

        I cried a lot. Honestly I was miserable. I couldnt even take any days off because I was at a new place. My 1st trimester was my personal hell and I was actually asking myself why I was killing myself. It was hard and it still is to be honest. but what can u do!! Live thru it and tell urself this will pass too.

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  2. gardengirl29

    Be kind to yourself. Your only job right now is getting through this. I know that even sitting on the couch is miserable and a lot of work! Just existing is terrible with nausea- let alone doing anything else.

    XOXO!!

    Liked by 1 person

    • Steph Mignon

      Lauren!!!! So good to hear from you! I’ve missed you and your blog posts. How are you friend? Where are you blogging these days???? Perhaps I’m not signed up to get them via email? I’m so bad with the WordPress reader.

      Liked by 1 person

      • Lauren

        Hi! I’m still blogging and reading, though I’m only keeping up one blog right now…acupofbliss on WordPress. I let Teardropsfalling “rest” for a while since we aren’t TTC 🙂 I am so amazed that you are pregnant again! Congrats again in person 🙂 (so to speak. lol)

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  3. cassiedash

    I’ve been wondering how you are, Steph. You poor thing! Considering that I could have written this blog post myself up until about six weeks ago when my “morning” sickness finally resolved just inside my third trimester, I have all sorts of sympathy for you. It sucks on all accounts, and even more so when you have a little one to chase after and cook for. Give yourself a break and all the permission in the world to binge watch your favorite show, eat the only foods that sound good, and stay on the couch all day long if you need to. Hang in there! Really hoping you start to feel better in a few short weeks! xoxo

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      • cassiedash

        Mostly, I had to learn to let go of the guilt. I got a lot of help from my hubby when he was home, but when he wasn’t, I just did what I had to in order to survive. I didn’t work out, I ate what sounded good and not necessarily what was good for me, I allowed my kids to watch a little extra TV, and I spent a lot of time just doing a whole lot of nothing. It wasn’t fun, but you do it because you have to, you know? And then somehow, day by day, you make it through to the other side. I did it, and I know you will too! Hopefully much sooner than I did. 😉 xo

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  4. gradualchanges

    Oh Steph! You made me laugh so hard my round ligament pain kicked in. Seriously it made me feel so much better about myself! After 6 years of TTC and 7 cycles of ART, I want to love every second of this pregnancy and of course in a way, I do. But honestly, in lots of ways I don’t! I’m 25 weeks on Wednesday and still puking (and peeing myself) a few times a week. I don’t have the added hilarity of your daughter but otherwise I’m right there with you. In fact I did it Saturday at the in-laws house. There’s not much better than having to clean your clean freak mother-in-laws toilet after puking all over it and peeing on her bathmat. I’m lucky she’s excited about this baby! Please hang in there. All the “stuff” can wait until you’re feeling better… even if that’s 8 months from now.

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  5. Steph Mignon

    Oh girl, 25 weeks in and you are still sick and peeing yourself? How are you managing? I am sure the excitement after all you’ve been through helps, but still, those people without nausea are sooooo lucky! Have I mentioned how excited I am for you to meet your little girl? Brings tears to my eyes. Truly.

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