Ahhhhh, freak out!

I have been crying on and off for the last hour.

This is kind of funny because earlier today I planned to write about what an amazing weekend I had, how renewed and rejuvenated I felt, and how I finally felt a small burst of that second trimester energy.

I was going to write about how much I enjoy putting my baby girl to sleep even now without nursing. And how proud I am of the intelligent and social toddler she is becoming. I adore her. So very very much.

But then Merp and I started talking about what’s coming.

Yes a baby boy is on his way. And that comes with its own challenges, but that’s not what’s been plaguing me this evening. Not at all actually because I know the chances are pretty darn good that I will love him instantly and know exactly what to do by instinct alone.

What’s freaking me out then?

Well…

In February we will be getting an au pair. From Spain. Who is 25. She will live with us and help out with the kids so I can manage our properties etc. We have no family around and this is the most afforable option. Merp’s job has changed and he will be around less as well. We need this in so many ways.

Yet, she will LIVE with us. Eat with us. Be a part of our household.

And it just sank in.

She is so cool and I like her very much. But she will live in our house. All the time.

I’m scared. I’m concerned that maybe this is not the right decision. But I have already committed.

Tomorrow I’ll explain more.

In the meantime, do you know anyone else who has done this?

I have one friend who’s been thrilled with her experience so there’s that but…

This is my family. This is my home. This is my safe place.

And I don’t want anything to mess that up.

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8 comments

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  1. Megan Sienicki

    Hi Steph!

    I just wanted to chime in 🙂 I think you are going to LOVE having her!! My SIL had one and it it was great! She was wonderful help & became part of the family! And remember your au pair is probably feeling the same way as you right now and will also need some time to herself.
    And from my own experience of now having two… H is 2.5 and B is 10 months.. 22 months apart with no family nearby… Um life is SOoo busy, I think you are going to absolutely love having another set of helping hands! Not to mention being able to get out of the house alone or by bringing her and kiddos along will be so much easier 🙂 I think you will be really happy with this decision! I would jump at the chance to have one and I’m a person who needs alone time to recharge – I might actually get some if I had an au pair!

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    • Steph Mignon

      Thank you for this comment! I think i am feeling especially emotional because I’m pregnant. Sharing my intimate wonderful family home life is scary, but I think you’re right. Her helpfulness will outweigh my insecurities. Daphne and our baby boy will be 23 months apart, so yours is like the most helpful comment ever! Thanks again. 🙂

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  2. cassiedash

    Steph, I can totally understand these fears. I would feel the same way because I’m such an introvert and really value my home as my sanctuary. That said, I have to agree with Megan. That extra pair of hands is going to come in so handy (please forgive the pun). My two girls are just under three years apart but Skittle and Poppy are not quite 24 months apart and my mom just left yesterday and I’m already starting to wonder how I will EVER again get a second to myself to accomplish something. I’m sure there will be an adjustment period for all of you when your au pair moves in, but once everything settles down, I bet you’re going to love it! Deep breaths, dear friend. It WILL be okay.

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    • Steph Mignon

      Cassie, thank you so much for the support! I have been feeling so crappy lately (pregnant) which makes me feel vulnerable and weak. Adding a new person to our “family” is scary enough let alone a 25 year old girl from Spain! But we went forward in the first place because we know we need it and comments like yours reinforce that. Thank you mama! Sending you lots of love! Always 🙂

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