The ECV didn’t work, but it wasn’t that painful, so at least there’s that.
After two attempts, one to the left and one to the right, my doctor was unable to get baby L’s head past the mid line. He just kept popping right back to the belly button area where he’s been for awhile now. Frustrating.
The next day my tummy was sore, and my heart was too (still is actually).
I’m really, really, REALLY sad to report that I scheduled a c-section for 3/30. The thought of a major abdominal surgery, 4-days in the hospital away from my baby girl, the painful recovery, the missing microbial benefits for my boy, the scar – ALL OF IT – just make me want to cry. I’m on the verge right this second, but I just can’t anymore.
The worst part though is that he’s breech at all. It’s making me worry so much. The higher rate of defects associated with breech babies is terrifying. My Google mania has made me realize that there’s so much they can miss on anatomy scans and prenatal testing. Stats don’t comfort me. Anecdotal evidence doesn’t comfort me. Months of healthy scans and blood tests don’t comfort me. I’m a mess!
This time around I’ve had such a stress free pregnancy until the last few weeks! I’ve practiced feeding the good wolf. I’ve learned about positive thinking. I’ve read about the law of attraction. But now I’m miserable. Sad. Worried. Anxious. Unhappy. Irritable. It comes and goes throughout the day, but I’m always brought back to worry. Because at this point, what can positive thinking change? I can hope for the best, but I can’t fix anything if it’s already broken.
I’ve even asked my doctor if I can have another level two ultrasound to see if they missed anything. Why would this help? Because at least we’d be able to mentally prepare a little bit if something IS wrong. We’ll see what she says tomorrow. The only thing working for me is that I don’t have a gut feeling one way or another – things COULD be totally fine, but I’m just so freaked out that this isn’t going as I thought it would. Not the peaceful, joyous final pregnancy I had planned for.
I’m also considering a second ECV at 39 weeks the day of my scheduled c-section. This time with an epidural (which makes them more successful). This time with another doctor assisting my own (Kim K. had 3 kicking her baby’s little butt into place). That’s part of why I want a second level 2 scan – it should be able to see if there’s a short cord or something else preventing my boy from moving. I certainly won’t have a second ECV without one, because doing so without further exploration seems too risky.
If I wasn’t sure about being done having children, now I am. I can’t do this again. The worrying is far worse than the months of morning sickness, the weight gain, and all the aches and pains associated with pregnancy.
I believed in my heart that eating, thinking, and living healthy would be all I needed to nurture a healthy pregnancy and a happy ending, now I’m not so sure…